Leaving and Letting Go
I picture myself getting up and moving away from familiar faces. The unease in my chest becoming less noticeable everyday. What’s further behind? Hurt, bitterness, envy, and all other negative emotions once tied down by tongue lashings by white Christians. Although I don’t know what lies ahead as far as community goes, it’s relieving to know I no longer have to bear the brunt of fragile feelings and misplaced anger.
I am free to remove myself from narratives that do not have queer Black women in mind. As British singer songwriter PJ Harvey says, “shame is the shadow of love” but whatever negativity I encounter now will not be directly related to the shame of being different. The love that I have for myself and others has eclipsed old shame. Although the live between shame and love remains thin. I’ve learned to enjoy the careful walk across.
I have more than enough resources on those who have broken free and lived to tell their stories. Filled with triumph, failures on their own terms, and learning how to not let their scars direct them. These stories remind me of who I am becoming and that who’s image I was being made into brought nothing but confusion. I am free to leave and let go.